Very very slowely I'm moving forward, away from day dreams and being stuck inside alone, towards a more interactive and social state of mind. The cold German January had frozen my motivation but at least the world turned white recently and I even spent an hour outside on Sat, throwing a disc in the parc, way past the point when the warm blood painfully reached my ice-cold fingers. I don't know what it is about snow, but it cheers me up beyond any explicable matters.
After getting over the first frustration over bureaucracy and missing stimulation in this country, and then giving up the idea of a short-term (mental) hibernation, I'm finally on my way back to a more balanced emotional management. I guess during my travels I had changed more than I was even aware of, and that transformation of course requires new ways of living, that I have yet to discover.
One way of coping with my momentary lapse of reasons to go forward, is to listen to and play as much music as possible. Though I wasn't very excited at first, I went to a concert of Girls in Hawaii on the weekend, which I didn't know many songs of but gave a good show. I especially liked their more folk-sounding pieces like I'm Not Dead and Misses, which have a desolate tune and yet powerfully pull me out of apathy. Also the show turned out brilliant because I had tons of fun hanging out with my friend Linda, when confusing stage workers with band members and cheerfully buying 0.5l beer for 2€.
And yet the support act left an even bigger impression: BRNS. Above all their drummer played liked crazy until the end of the last song, when the drum sticks just fell out of his hands. They are also from Belgium and also have an overload of dark-themed songs (I know Brussels is quite grey but is it really that bad?), but their music turns out more energetic and less compromising than Girls In Hawaii. Now here's a short review on their incredibly good album WOUNDED, and you all best put seat belts on your ears, because it's gonna be a hell of a ride!
(I wonder if the player shows up?)
The album starts off intense and strange with Clairvoyant, giving a good impression what kind of sound to expect, and yet it's just the beginning of what BRNS is capable of. Deathbed keeps up the beat while being a lot more organized and giving more depth, without sounding depressive. Then comes my favourite track, Mexico, a great tune my heart is beating along with and my feet are itching, as I'm torn in between dancing and dreaming. Here Dead He Lies sounded especialy impressive live, as I mentioned the drummer is very passionate, but even the studio version makes me wanna put on my running shoes and skid through the snow. As the rather slow track on this album, Thru The Graveyard still doesn't fail to supply a good beat, though the follow-up The Story Of Bible quickly outmatches it with a catchy built-up, led by well-performed guitar riffs and lyrics reminding me of a Decemberists-song, and outbursts of energy like they were so typical for Colourful Grey in the early Frankfurt years. Our Lights with it's swaying intensity is the perfect final track of the album, as it leaves me humming the lyrics and instantly wanting to hit the replay button.
I like WOUNDED because it's interesting music, new and yet familiar in it's striking drum patterns. The album has a peculiar sound, somewhere in between the borders of the usual indie-pop - and far beyond it's comfort zone. If my impression doesn't sound convincing, maybe read a review from somebody better with words describing music, while I'm off to play my uke a bit.
Monday, January 27, 2014
Friday, January 10, 2014
from seaside to insights (Vancouver)
After having been back for a while, I feel things are coming together again. The loose threads emerging from my travels are beginning to be woven to something, in between a golden thread and a net in my life. Conversations I had back then, experiences I've made, some of them unconsciously triggered a change that I only now begin to see.
For instance, I learned a lot about my ego and how it controls my thoughts and feelings, distracting me from what I truely want and need. Clothes and looks became less important when I was on the road, worries about other people's judgements of me, and the anxiety of not being in control faded in the light of trust I had discovered within myself. Like last night, when I dreamed about somebody being mean to me and throwing my backpack around for no reason, and I got so angry about this injustice. Until, in my dream, I realized only my ego was hurt, and I went over to that person and said: thanks for reminding me (of what's important).
You could say I have changed, but really I only grew closer to who I truely am. Because we're all a lot more than our bodies and egos, or why do we have feelings and dreams? Of course this realization is nothing new, it's found in bhuddist practises (thanks, April, for pointing that out) and other spiritual beliefs, and I can only touch the surface here. And a lot of these thoughts started in India, and then again, in Vancouver... Have I ever told you that story?
I haven't said much about my time in Canada, though looking back at it now, it left quite a big imprint on the rest of my journey. Lucky as I've always been, I got to stay with friends in Vancouver: April, Wayne and son Rory, who I knew from Frankfurt frisbee. They provided a cosy home and fantastic family dinners for more than a week, took me to frisbee fall league, yoga, around the city, and helped reconnecting with other German friends in town.
As some may remember from countless philosophical lines in my blog posts back then, I had tons of time to think about myself, how to go on. I realized I had loads of possibilities where to go next, and also some profound conversations with April, Caro and Korbo, helped me recharge my mental batteries and get back to what's important to me. Before coming to Canada, which I had been dreaming of many years in my life, I expected to be outside most of the time, climbing trees and meeting bears, throwing my body into the harsh wildlife, barely surviving on berries and water from streams. This didn't quite happen, not only because I'd become a pussy and wanted to stay inside where it's warm, but also because I needed a rest. So I spent lots of time pondering, allowed myself to feel down, which was only possible because I had a comfortable place to hide at. Then I usually spent the rest of the day having great fun, hanging out with my friends, being amazed by Vancouver's beauty, or what you could see of it through the fog...
I got to see another side of Vancouver when hanging out with Norman (also a frisbee friend from Germany, yeah, I know, deja-vu...), who lives downtown with a bad-ass view. We strolled through the autumn streets and I learned that sushi is the cheapest good food to find there, the town is 420 friendly and doesn't have whatever it is that Berlin has, at least in my opinion. We went to see a movie with his friends and I bought the biggest box of caramel popcorn for $8, that I took with me into the bar afterwards and which lasted until long after halloween. Other good memories include cycling through the park with Wayne and throwing a disc on a meadow covered in bird poo, trying not to drop it. Or cooking with other volunteers for April (and everybody who wanted) on campus, where she worked, after picking veggies from the university fields. Or hiking with Caro and Korbo, including foggy views over Vancouver. Many cool things happened, and I haven't even been out of town much. Oh Canada, always good for a surprise. And holidays.
For instance, I learned a lot about my ego and how it controls my thoughts and feelings, distracting me from what I truely want and need. Clothes and looks became less important when I was on the road, worries about other people's judgements of me, and the anxiety of not being in control faded in the light of trust I had discovered within myself. Like last night, when I dreamed about somebody being mean to me and throwing my backpack around for no reason, and I got so angry about this injustice. Until, in my dream, I realized only my ego was hurt, and I went over to that person and said: thanks for reminding me (of what's important).
You could say I have changed, but really I only grew closer to who I truely am. Because we're all a lot more than our bodies and egos, or why do we have feelings and dreams? Of course this realization is nothing new, it's found in bhuddist practises (thanks, April, for pointing that out) and other spiritual beliefs, and I can only touch the surface here. And a lot of these thoughts started in India, and then again, in Vancouver... Have I ever told you that story?
 |
| walking along the seaside, 5mins away from the house |
I haven't said much about my time in Canada, though looking back at it now, it left quite a big imprint on the rest of my journey. Lucky as I've always been, I got to stay with friends in Vancouver: April, Wayne and son Rory, who I knew from Frankfurt frisbee. They provided a cosy home and fantastic family dinners for more than a week, took me to frisbee fall league, yoga, around the city, and helped reconnecting with other German friends in town.
 | ||||
| April, Wayne and Rory |
 | |
| hiking with Korbo (and Caro) |
 |
| Caro and Lia at halloween |
As some may remember from countless philosophical lines in my blog posts back then, I had tons of time to think about myself, how to go on. I realized I had loads of possibilities where to go next, and also some profound conversations with April, Caro and Korbo, helped me recharge my mental batteries and get back to what's important to me. Before coming to Canada, which I had been dreaming of many years in my life, I expected to be outside most of the time, climbing trees and meeting bears, throwing my body into the harsh wildlife, barely surviving on berries and water from streams. This didn't quite happen, not only because I'd become a pussy and wanted to stay inside where it's warm, but also because I needed a rest. So I spent lots of time pondering, allowed myself to feel down, which was only possible because I had a comfortable place to hide at. Then I usually spent the rest of the day having great fun, hanging out with my friends, being amazed by Vancouver's beauty, or what you could see of it through the fog...
 |
| foggy morning 1: walking over the bridge |
 |
| foggy morning 2: view over the city |
 |
| sunset fog |
 | |
| city at night, seen from Norman's |
I got to see another side of Vancouver when hanging out with Norman (also a frisbee friend from Germany, yeah, I know, deja-vu...), who lives downtown with a bad-ass view. We strolled through the autumn streets and I learned that sushi is the cheapest good food to find there, the town is 420 friendly and doesn't have whatever it is that Berlin has, at least in my opinion. We went to see a movie with his friends and I bought the biggest box of caramel popcorn for $8, that I took with me into the bar afterwards and which lasted until long after halloween. Other good memories include cycling through the park with Wayne and throwing a disc on a meadow covered in bird poo, trying not to drop it. Or cooking with other volunteers for April (and everybody who wanted) on campus, where she worked, after picking veggies from the university fields. Or hiking with Caro and Korbo, including foggy views over Vancouver. Many cool things happened, and I haven't even been out of town much. Oh Canada, always good for a surprise. And holidays.
 |
| the bird poo park |
 |
| street art |
 |
| campus lunch: bannock bread, salad, salmon, squash stew and brownie |
 |
| posing (I believe I can fly!) |
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