memory confetti

Aloha! It's supposedly Christmas and I'm too lazy to recap the time from Tulum until now, so I'm just gonna throw in some moments throughout that time. Not a best of, more like Polaroid-in-words from our backpacking lives.

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Hostels are easy places to meet new people, and so is the one in Tulum, with it's many benches and hang out areas. An older guy with a a Hawaiian shirt sits down at the table Maik and I occupy, his face is glowing red but he's got that sparkle in his eyes, that mischief. We start chatting and he tells us he's doing some kind of "research for his work" here, but he looks so relaxed like he hasn't worked in weeks.
I ask: "So how long have you been in town?"
Him: "10 days?! Two weeks?! What day is today?"
We laugh, but then quickly realize I have no idea what day it is.

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I really need to do laundry, because when I wanted to do it at Lauren's, there was a power cut. So we go to a lavandería nearby, our dirty clothes are weighed, we get a bill for less than 2€ and told to come back the next day at 7 PM to pick it up. The whole conversation is in Spanish and I'm kinda proud to mention I even made them understood that our towels aren't supposed to go in the dryer. Yay.
But when we go through our clean clothes the next day, my blue dress is missing! Nay. Not a huge deal, but I'm still upset. Of course I can't explain in Spanish what my problem is and that I suspect my dress to be in another bag, especially since we had some clothes in ours we've never seen before. Or maybe Maik wears white hotpants secretly, who knows!
I'm thinking, well, it's Mexico after all! And then I feel racist thinking that. And then I see that the hostel has a clothes exchange, featuring a somewhat fitting blue dress! How nice, I'm taking that one for free, especially after just donating some of clothes to a staff member. Well, now I'm thinking: the universe takes, the universe gives.

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The first day we arrive at the Tulum hostel, we meet Lee from the US, who's a chatty and embracing kinda guy, just randomly asking if we wanna hang out and share his herbs together. I smile, agree, and also wonder: how is it that same minded people always find each other without knowing? Again, there's a feeling of getting to a place and already having friends here... #facebook #spacehat #deepreflectivetalks #armyoflove

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As we sit in the garden of the hostel, a gecko shows up. There are lots of them but this one is black and somehow I think, oh-oh, this is not a good sign. Later in the collectivo on the way further south, I see the reflection of a knitted scorpion sitting besides the driver under the front window. Another bad sign, I'm afraid. Maik and I make it to the nature reserve alright and spent the rest of the day and the next one enjoying the quietness, swimming in the lagoon and even meeting a very happy family. It was a simply inspiring experience and I'm truly amazed by their joyful nature: they chat, laugh and tease each other the whole time, mom, dad and daughter, so I end up thinking they must have won the happy-family-jackpot! When we all climb the lookout tower, we even see a tucan, though it's far away, I'm very content.
The next day we chill even harder, taking a dip in the blue water, hiking through the jungle and then jumping into the lagoon again, because maaan are did we get eaten by mosquitos!! I must have hurt my foot because even while swimming I feel some pain in my ankle. But that's only the beginning... Unfortunately that night I feel ill and my food wants back out through the wrong hole. Yay, I'm sick and one long bumpy road away from anywhere. The next day I'm exhausted and don't wanna pack and leave, but it makes sense, so I pull myself together. My ankle hurts even more, so I can barely walk. Guess that makes two bad things and I don't like being right this time. And yet I feel back in touch with my intuition.

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So now we're in Bacalar, on a campground/ hostel with access to the lagoon, it's so pretty.

Just went I'm about to make a Skype call to Nadine, the power is off and so is the connection to far away Dresden. This and other occasions are the reason the socially addicted part of me is truly madly happy that I got a Mexican SIM card with 1 GB for WhatsApp! Maybe that again is the reason I haven't blogged much lately, because was in touch with many people, and above all, Maik is here now!

And because all of these are snippets from what already seems a long time ago, I'll better just post them and get on with happened on Christmas.

As usual, more pics in better quality (and even captions) are to be found at: parhelia.smugmug.com

Seems it never rains in Southern North America

And when it does, it snows! But let's tie things up:

So last time I posted was when I was still with Lauren and Alan in Monterrey. And I've been quite on the move since then! But before bragging about the white beaches and turquoise waters of Cancun and Tulum, I wanna sent out some love to the great people I met in Monterrey, and even to the city itself. To me it's always a huge win when coming to a foreign place and there having a friend already waiting to pick me up at the airport! Lauren and Alan generously shared their place and lives with me for quite a while. Not to forget their friends and also Alan's family, all of them were super friendly. Almost every Mexican I've met so far has been living up to the stereotype of friendliness I've made up about them...
During my last days in Monterrey, we went on an adventurous camping trip (ask about the 'bear' story next time we meet), to a family posada (which didn't look christmassy because some parts of the family are Jehova's witnesses) and climbing/ bouldering in a small room without designated routes, followed by a starry, starry night (ask for the... never mind).
I witnessed two miracle-like events in Monterrey: first was snow in town, which hadn't happened in about 20 years -  everybody went crazy but me because the houses are designed to keep the cold IN! The second was the national soccer final between the two Monterrey teams, which has never happened before - everybody went even crazier but not me because, well, it's soccer!

On Dec 12th, Lauren and I flew down South to warm and sunny Cancun, sending lots of jealousy invoking photos from the beach the next day. We chose airbnb and landed a big hit with a chilled host in a family-style mayan designed clay house with a frickin swimming pool in the yard... No mames wey! The next highlight was picking Maik up at the airport, though the place was designed in such a stupid way, that Lauren and I were basically forced to climb over a small fence to get to arrivals. After the happy reunion we drank beer by the pool, went to a tacos restaurant and took turns in the hammock on the balcony. Pretty much a solid 9 on the scale of first nights for Maik, I'd say.

So since Cancun is a top tourist trap, we left the next day and after some trouble being on the right side of the street for the 'collectivo' (taxibus), Lauren, Maik and I made it to nearby Puerto Morelos for some more beach time. We managed to get an appartment right across the ocean, which we only had to share with some ants and which also featured a huge terrace we occupied both nights, playing the ukulele and singing songs, you know, about life, love and the Pupsgesicht. Those were easy and lazy days, only to be ended abruptly when Lauren left early on Sat to fly back to Monterrey, while Maik and I went further down to Tulum.

Ah,  Tulum, a place popular amongst backpackers for it's pretty beaches and ancient ruins, of which we didn't see the latter because too much time spent on the former. First we stayed in a rented, leaky tent without mattresses for $500 (~23€) on a stormy, rainy night, but the mangrove jungle around and the beach only metres away from it made up for every inconvenience. At least for 2 nights, then we really needed to shower and there was no water because... something. The German girl at reception told me a company came in and tried to fix the water problem, but instead made it worse and then just left. I just laughed! And then we left to a hostel at the edge of town, which clearly shows I'm much less of a hippie sometimes than I make you believe... And I wanna say how I also forgot in all of my anxiety about being clean and organized that people there were very approachable, caring and sharing, without expecting something in return.

Leaving you with that thought of love and peace and smoke, I need a break and you some pictures! 

poem about adoring a place

This blog is supposed to be about love and music, tonight you'll get some beerlosophy on top of that. Wanna hear honest things about my life, apart from that oh-so-funny travel blabla, then let me crack open another Superior and put on the Cold War Kids for this one.




It's almost 3 am, Lauren and Alan went to bed hours ago while I'm wondering about my life between Edward Sharpe and Christine And The Queens. I had a funny cold day and an even better night, hanging out with Lauren at the colourful café downtown, talking forever about boys and relationships and why "we were so much cooler than the girls at school we tried to impress"! (Lauren is really smart!)
We made ourselves a tasty dinner and before starting a movie at home, I said: "Aren't we lucky? Don't we have such a luxurious lifestyle?" But as I just told my diary, I didn't feel lucky.

Do you ever need an excuse to get drunk? To alternate your sense of reality? Maybe I don't like that reality of not having made any real progress in the past 3 weeks since I've left home. Our even made the best of my time (like really enjoying being lazy, no, I didn't come here for that). Honestly, I gotta say I hardly achieved anything worth mentioning.
But what was the plan here, anyways?
Facing my fears? Finding out what to do with my life? Become a better person?
It's all bullshit!
No, I'm in Mexico because it's supposed to be warm and because some time ago I've met genuinely nice people who happened to have Mexican passports. Because I have a friend here and maybe I'll FINALLY learn Spanish at some point (it's not going buyn...erm... bien).

Am I running away from something? Did this trip ever serve any purpose other than escaping Germany and all the strings attached? Like predictability, rain instead of snow in December in particular and this mistrust towards "everything that's different than before, than how we've always done things" in general?

So the point I'm trying to get to its, despite being lucky and free and also in the place I've been wanting to go to since 2013, I'm not happy. Maybe because Maik isn't here. Maybe because it wasn't a challenge or achievement coming here. Maybe because I forgot or even killed that part of me that was pure happiness.

So even after a fun night out I can't get myself to appreciate my privileges. Even after spending an hour scribbling page after page, my journal doesn't explain this journey. And before the end of the night, the music still plays on shuffle, randomly playing the song I needed most, reminding me of home, my friends, long nights like this in Dresden, except that I wasn't alone.



It's 3.30am now, the wind is rattling on the window, my mind is tired and I'm still looking for an happy end to this post. My personal realization is that it always comes down to human connections. That I need to learn how to genuinely (and I mean: truly) open myself up to people and yet to learn how to stand up for myself against those who harm me.
Pah.
Basically I need to be myself without hating myself in the process.
It's kinda abstract this post. And I'm kinda drunk.
But fact is, the real challenge here is I need to, want to learn to love myself. No clue at what point I forgot to do that.



PS: I'm thinking of a place called Dresden, of people I used to to share these wicked thoughts with instead of having to find my own truth. Of Alex, who has the biggest loving eyes, seeing way beyond her own good. Of Niesel, who I never ceased to admire for always being true to herself. Of Basti and Toni, for going all the way down and up again. Of Nadine and Lissy for fighting their way through their own limits of strength. Of Julia, Judith, Jaaan, Atze, Nicole, Tim, Maria, Falko, Kevin, Vera, Sandy and all those unmentioned by name, who accidentally left a deep footprint in my heart. All you are ghosts of my past, reminding me somehow it doesn't only consists of failures. 

Monterrey: oh deer beer!

The cutest surprise the campus holds is just meters away from me, next to a large snowflake, and it follows me around! You wish it was a guy! Or a girl for that matter... No, it was a beast of other sorts, encircled by horrible Christmas decoration. And yet when thinking about what kind of animals you'd expect at a patch of grass on a Mexican university, even a private one, did you have deer in mind? Because there's a little Bambi right next to that fancy bench I'm sitting on, more like a picnic table with power outlets and umbrellas. Because you don't wanna get burned in that bright sun in November!
Did you know I haven't worn socks since I arrived on that blissful Saturday after a looong travel from Essex? Oh dear sun, I have missed your warm beams of rainbow-colored brightness! Come into my pale arms and give my sorrow-wrinkled face a kiss, right on that pimple between my eyebrows, that kinda makes me look Indian.
Anyways. Mexico is indeed as great as I've suspected. Not perfect of course... I mean, the BBQ I went to 2 hours after my arrival mainly consisted of meat and hot sauce. But at least I made my complaining and sleep-deprived self appreciate that the host also grilled a lot of veggies, mainly for me! And there were dogs to cuddle. And we drank tequila-like mezcal with a rabbit on it - just one shot though, it was before 4 pm and we still had a frisbee 'friendsgiving' to attend.

For that matter, Alan allowed me a 2 hour nap in my very own room, Lauren let me borrow a dress and shoes, and off we went! This was my third Thanksgiving and I thought, why break from tradition?, and showed up empty-handed. Despite that, I was accepted into the Monterrey ultimate circle within seconds, kiss on the cheek here (only one for hello/ goodbye!), a little chatting in Spanish (and quickly changing to English) there.
I meet a French-Canadian called Louis and otherwise mainly observe people. A guy comes up to me.
"Do you wanna play Discochela?"
Oh how nice, I'm getting invited to a tournament!
"Sure!" I say and smile my naive smile.
Lauren whispers: "It's a drinking game, where you drink beer out of a disc!"
"Okay, I'm out!", I blurt.
"What's your name?", the guy asks, and when I tell him, he just writes it on a list and moves on.
Everyone who knows me also knows I'm very bad at drinking beer really fast... The other two in my team, Fernando and Louis, don't know that - however they appear to be surprisingly swift swallowers and we win the first round. And then the second. Through the cheers and screams I realize we won the beer race.... My first quick-chugging-wheat-substance-competition that I complete successfully, after 10 years of ultimate (and 7 years of college)!!! Finally.
And then there's karaoke, and you have to see Mexicans singing karaoke with such passion and joy to believe when I say: everybody had a microphone... in their hearts! Loved it.

After that intense first night, the following days in Monterrey are much more relaxed. On Sunday Lauren, my mate Louis and I stroll through the downtown area, over a flea market and into the most colorful café I've ever set foot in. The city is a lot prettier and the vegetarian restaurants are higher in number than expected. It feels like I've come to the right place.
Also, did I mention that you can see the mountains from my window?
Lauren, who I know from frisbee in Dresden, and Alan, her Mexican boyfriend, have a spacious apartment with a banana tree infused garden, that we use for morning coffee and fitness workout. So far I've spent most of my first week here relaxing during the day and watching Netflix at night, taking photos and also visiting Lauren at her workplace, the Tec University. When she shows me the library without books, we bump into a frisbee player from that Thanksgiving party, he looks at me and asks Lauren: "Oh, so you brought the champion!?" My ego cheers.
I go by many names now... After Bambi followed me to that bench, Maik called me a Disney princess. Well, I hope it didn't take most people 90 movie minutes to read this post. I seem lack that gene of cutting it short, my applogeeeeeze, it's so late again!
Hasta luego!