travel mind fuzz

It's a Monday morning, time to think about Hawaii.
For two reasons, a) to get distracted from my weird-as-usual dreams in which I'd been inviting too many of the kids from the neighbourhood to a house I didn't live in, and also randomly fell in love with a guy who had a hawaiian name and made his own coffee (see the connection?). And b) because I may fly to Hawaii, to work on a farm.
So, what happened to Mexico?
Well, I haven't dismissed it as my next destination, yet. It's just so much easier to get around Hawaii, and a lot safer. Mexico is cheaper and I'd probably get to learn some Spanish, plus the culture is more interesting. If I only wasn't traveling alone, I would be less worried about safety. I mean, who wants to kidnap me, anyways, I talk too much! So they'd probably shoot me right away, but then again I don't really have any money and a credit card that expires in a month, so that doesn't make sense. That leaves raping as a potential danger, possibly by more than one person, which doesn't sound like "a challenging experience" I'd like to have before the end of this trip... After this blunt look at various scenarios (exaggerated, I know) I feel that Hawaii is seriously considered, especially since flights are just as cheap as to Mexico. Yeah, right?! What's all that thinking about?? Hawaii it is, then!

But... you see, I'm horrible at making decisions. For a long time I'd make lots and lots of plans (for those who remember, South America used to be part of them), going back and forth about where to go and just waiting until the flights start getting expensive. In the end it doesn't matter too much to which beautiful place I'm going, it more depends on coincidence, like meeting someone who has been at a place and so on. I might as well flip a coin! I once wrote as essay about that way of making decisions in my psychology class and the bottom line was: why not?!
Ok, let's do it right now. Canadian 5ct, saying Elizabeth II. is going to Hawaii, the beaver is going to Mexico. Flipping and...
I drop the coin.
I drop the coin a second time.
Now the beaver is looking at me.
Vamos a Mexico!

Seriously? I don't know. And where will I go after Mexico or Hawaii? Cuba? New York or Boston? The coin says Cuba. Hm, it must have a soft spot for weaker economies.

Anyways, welcome to my everyday life and typical mind fuzz. Making decisions and procrastinating. Drinking more coffee. Enjoying the beautiful, beautiful places I'm visiting. And being worried about my future. I doubt that anybody but other travellers (or students in social studies) understands what I'm talking about, thinking: "WTF is she talking about??" It's like I'm in a parallel world, where 'normal' means madness, almost every day.
And because most of you are working, you all got something to keep your mind busy with, you don't need to worry how to spend your energy. All that's left for my brain to work on, though, are the things above and how to do more thrift shopping without putting more weight into my backpack. That's what this blog is for: sharing insights from a mysterious world of a long-term traveller.

Now we need some music, for real, otherwise it becomes unbearable. Also, I've talked too much, time to let others speak.



I am a women of leisure
I've been looking for the end of want
I don't want it but I need
Well come one baby won't you gimme some

I haven't talked enough about love, have I? As an essential topic of this blog, besides being an essential part of life... I found that being hopelessly romantic doesn't get you anywhere, but at least it gets you through the day.

Holy Roller roll over me
I'm looking for something else to see
Lasts so long, hurts so bad
But I want love in the aftermath

Again you may not understand wtf I'm talking about when I say I don't believe in love anymore. Not to last, not for me, not in this life, at least. Every sweet encounter is followed by trouble and worries, after every high comes the inevitable low, every hello implicates goodbye. I'm so done screwing up. (this needs some more explanation. later. much later)
But I'm still dreaming...



I STOOD ALONE UPON THE PLATFORM IN VAIN
THE PUERTO RICANS THEY WERE PLAYING THEIR SALSA IN THE RAIN
WITH OPEN DOORS AND MANUAL LOCKS
IN FAST FOOD PARKING LOTS

I HEADED WEST I WAS A MAN ON THE MOVE
NEW YORK IT LIED TO ME I NEEDED THE TRUTH
OH I NEED SOMEBODY, I NEED SOMEONE I COULD TRUST
AND I DON’T GAMBLE, BUT IF I DID I WOULD BET ON US

It takes courage to love, that I don't have anymore, and patience, that I never really had.
"Everything in life you try to force will resist.", said the yoga instructor in Vancouver on Sat morning, I think he was not only talking about our muscles.



EVERYONE THINKS I’M A LION*
NO ONE KNOWS THE TRUTH
IF IT WAS A BIGGER FIRE
I WOULD BE ON THE ROOF

But fear is also an issue for me, especially since the lazy life of a traveller doesn't bear distraction all of the time. Facing my fears has been a great way to learn a lot about myself and I've got more courage than I used to have, so yay for that. But sometimes I really just want to poop my pants! I mean, my future! What am I gonna do? Become a hippie? And the present! Where am I gonna go? (Not that topic again...) And the past! What the ...?
I know. I shouldn't worry. But I guess it just means that I care, that I'm passionate. Yeah, let's just call it 'passionate thinking' instead of worrying. And the next person telling me I'm thinking too much, I'm gonna pull their underpants over their head! Because it'll likely be the same person telling me to take care. Hah!

Now you lucky Europeans out there better BOOK YOUR TICKETS for the great band I've just posted, because not only are The Lumineers on tour but also their support act is... Thao & The Get Down Stay Down! How awesome is that?! See them in Cologne, for example, for less than 40euro. Check it out! And make me jealous for once...


*this is what I understood, "lion", and I liked it. but really, they're singing "liar", but this just wouldn't be appropriate at this point. yes, I'm making my own reality here!

Bilderbuch story

Hey friends!

Finally, I've left America and made it over the border to Canada. Here's the picture book story of my last week on the west coast.
But before we start, here're some musical candies for you! (more about this newest playlist at the end)




This story starts  in Aptos (south of San Franciso), with a sunset. On the beach. F**k yeah!

Pretty cool, huh? It's the same old story, every night the sun sets but it keeps being beautiful.

And that's Aaron, just another hero on my travels, hosting me in his awesome beach house. Guess how we know each other! Right, from ultimate frisbee in Frankfurt!

You could say he lives in a dangerous neighbourhood, just before the safety line (his house is on the far left). But really it was just nice being 5mins walking distance from the beach, hearing the waves through the open window at night. 

So I did go to the ocean the other day! Remember when I said I might go in? I did! It was cold, but not freezing.

Aaaand I saw dolphins! I swam out to reach them but they were too fast and the cold water tired me out quickly. Still, it was nice watching them.

Lia in California, in a swimsuit, in mid October. (hard to believe even now, one week later!)

Oh, these days in Aptos, full of chill time, music, cooking and hanging out with Aaron. It was... don't say the word... AWESOME!

And then it was time to leave, with the bus to Hayward, where I met more smiling people than ever. And I went into my first real American diner!

The waitress was seriously impressed by all my luggage, and I enjoyed her genuine interest in my travel stories, and - of course - the free coffee refill.

Now, how did I get to Portland? Well, there's this thing called Craigslist...

So this is Franck and a very small airplane. I met them both on the internet, Craigslist, right! It was cheaper to fly with him than taking the Greyhound bus. Oh, and a lot more scenic.

Northern California from above. It was a clear day and not very windy, also my smile was as wide as the landscape. Hehehe, I was giggling with so much excitement.

I wasn't allowed to try and fly, shame, but he explained most of the buttons to me. I tried to learn what to do in case he passes out and I have to land the plane.

Of course it wasn't necessary, we were as safe as can be!

And oh, the view! We passed by the Burning Man location and some snow covered mountains in southern Oregon.

Yeah, now that's what traveling should be like. Always.

After 3.5hrs we arrived in Portland, doesn't it look so beautiful?

After the landing, we get an appropriate hello. My facial muscles are sore from all the smiling... Servus, Portland!

Because I am a lucky bastard, a great guy and his girlfriend let me couch surf with them. 

Friday morning I was taken downtown to explore the city...

You know you're in a hipster town when the first thing you visit is a bookstore. Anyways, I really liked it!

First thing to see in the city: Washington Park. Hard to describe how beautiful it was, and how silent. At least you get one photo.

Also the view towards Mt Hood was nice. I can totally imagine living there. (In the park I mean)

Another downtown Portland impression, though I should have taken a picture in that cafe with all the hipsters. I had to pull myself together not to LOL, it was like being in a movie. Awesome.

And here the little family I had the privilege to stay with over the weekend: Kyle, Lindsay and Kevin the cat. We cooked great food, drank good wine and went to a concert I do not remember a lot from...

This is the house, seen from the backyard. We watched the full moon in those chairs before cruising around the city to fantastic music. Also Kevin sleeps in the tent when it rains.

The suburbs of Portland, or a little part of American culture. I really wanna see more suburbs!

A great host as he is, Kyle also took me to a micro-brewery; Portland is famous for them. It's just... I can't drink Ale, I'm sorry, America!

Some last Portland-at-sunset-impressions...

A huge thanks to you guys, for hosting me, playing frisbee in the park, puzzling, taking me out and back home (incl. all the pee-breaks, deer watching and other things on fri night I don't remember)

Oh, in Portland I also found the most interesting toilet ever...

...and the missing piece (which has a meaning, I just have to figure it out).

Plus, of course there was strawberry cake after all!

So the west coast was ... yes, I need to say it again: AWESOME!

So long, America, I had a great time! And who knows, I might be back sooner than you can say "Never before I cared about HALLOWEEN."

Lia looking for the next adventure: Canada

* ~~~ * ~~~ * ~~~ *

get up it's a beautiful day

...because it's fall and getting up gets harder, here's some help for every morning of the week. Or if you're a student, listen to the whole playlist every morning.

1. Little Comets - Bridge Burn: You like the Kooks but think they are as shallow as creek water? Try this band. Reminds me of Aptos beach...

2. Modest Mouse - Float On: Great tune for walking through a park in the sunshine, writing postcards. Classic!

3. Gypsy & The Cat - Bloom: Another jewel heard on FM4, which doesn't only kick you out of bed but also kicks off the night.

4. The Heavy - How Do You Like Me Now: The one song guaranteeing that I don't miss my 6.30am bus and yet doesn't make me angry waking me up at 4...

5. The Black Keys - Everlasting Light: Finally I got into this band, took me way too long. These great beats took me through the streets of Portland.

6. Broken Social Scene - World Sick: Perfect song for a chilled and thrilled waking up on a Saturday. I've wanted to hear the album ever since I found a review in a music magazine about 4 years ago...

7. The Naked And Famous - Young Blood: I probably shouldn't like this song, except it's so catchy, includes the lyrics "yeah, yeah, yeah" and the band is from New Zealand!

no attachments

If this trip is about learning about love, life and sh**, I'm doing a pretty good job. I feel like never before I've been so exposed to my feelings, having no choice but dealing with them. It's easy to ignore what's inside when you're living the busy city life, running errands or running on frisbee fields. But for me everything is slowed down a lot, and old problems have caught up with me quickly and facing them was inevitable. But we learn the most from making mistakes, and since that's one of my talents, I'm now a lot wiser. I can see those grey hairs coming...
Examples of lessons?

• I learned from Bhava, it's good to say what I want, ignoring the fear of being rejected.
• I learned the hard way that honesty is the best way to go, seriously! Also most people appreciate more than they'd admit.
• I learned from Michael that I'm a very needy person. I constantly need social contacts, coffee and music, or I'm unhappy. Not to mention good food, frisbee, nature, ...
• I learned from Joey that thinking long-term makes more sense, when you're recognizing the present moment as part of something bigger.

And still, I'm failing at making good decisions. How can you continue walking down the wrong path while being aware of it? Yes, 'wrong' is in the eye of the beholder, but let's say: not good for me in the long run. It's too easy, that's why, temptation is just too big. When you're away from home, cut away from everything that's comfortable and familiar, it's easy to overcome the barrier of discipline and get attached to whatever seems appropriate. So the best solution is not to go back home, but to find that piece within yourself that gives you peace. The most impressive people I've met on the trip, especially in Auroville were very balanced, peaceful, friendly and passionate. It's hard to describe, because they maybe didn't know what they wanted, but they weren't afraid of it, and they seemed to know who they are.
Obviously I still have some time, and I'm taking a lot of time right now to find out more about myself. And guess what, only half of the time it's as hard as it sounds, otherwise I'm having a great time! I really wanted to go to Santa Cruz today, checking out the city instead of chilling at home in Aaron's beach house but well, I'll at least walk down (5 mins) to the water later, checking out if the dolphins are back. Maybe go for a swim, maybe not, aaaah, I think only if I see dolphins. But before that, I'll just relax a little more, patiently waiting for things to happen (read: playing music and chatting).

I'm excited to fly to Portland, Oregon, tomorrow, in a small plane with somebody from Craigslist. Yeah! Maybe I get to fly the plane a little, that's missing on my list after steering a sailing boat... Also some great people have offered me their couch, it looks all so well, I can almost not believe how easy it was to happen. I'm excited to couchsurf and meet new interesting people (read: men).

Today I'm leaving you with a poem, my ego tells me it's ridiculous and I'm embarrassing myself but seriously, I don't give a sh**. I wrote it a week ago, leaving the east coast, called blown away.

when everything is in constant change

we may look at each other

unconsciously rearrange

then the next moment we may look through

leaves in the fall

carried up and along by the wind

I try to stand up against it all

with my cold heart in the sun

holding my head out of the window

of this ever-moving train

hair blown in my face

your image stuck on my mind

though already faint

I'm moving on

forever spinning through beginnings without ends

I'm holding on

to the wind in my hands

music, travels, love

Though I haven't revealed the purpose of this blog yet, one can guess it'll be about at least one of the three things above. Today, it's all of them!

First things first, music. I finished my soundtrack for the season: Foliage In The Fall 
It wasn't hard to find good songs, I've discovered more great music in the last 3 weeks than in the year before, only the order of songs was difficult. Maybe it's the character of the season, but there're a lot of opposed feelings in the music, a lot of up and down. So better put a seat belt on your ears because they'll be taken on a roller coaster ride!


1. The Neighborhood - Sweater Weather: a total Ohrwurm, great beats, sweet lyrics though it'll always remind me of Boston instead of California
2. Atlas Genius - Symptoms: fantastic new band I've discovered (thanks, Dan!), just listened to their album this morning
3. Haim - Falling: what, Fleetwood Mac had 3 daughters? good example of current artists doing it old
style, those were the last (sunny) days in Burlington
4. Ellie Goulding - Wish I Stayed (acoustic): stumbled over it on yt, and I like her voice, for the homesick times...
5. Daughter - Run: this band is amazing, saw them live in Boston! I choose the b-side song Run because I like the lyrics and I learned to play it on ukulele
6. Phosphorescent - The Quotidian Beasts: this might be the best song you'll ever hear! Robert Plant loves their album, I listen to it almost every day. breaks and heals my heart, every time.
7. The Head And The Heart - Shake: it can only go forward, so shake, shake it off. that's what I hear. great tune! (thanks for showing, Rob!)
8. Eliza And The Bear - Friends: the obligatory indie/ fm4-track, reminding me of what's important when my travels get difficult, plus making me dance.
9. Weeks - Buttons: have you danced today? turned the music up and moved? starts of slow and then hits your ears, awesome!
10. Bibio - Haikuesque (When She Laughs): falling leaves and grey mornings have a tune. sigh. oh, and I don't know about the end, it's strange.
11. Bear's Den - Agape: saw them live as a support band of Daughter, loved them instantly. this song reflects my main feeling in the fall (that came along with happiness), the pain of letting go. "I don't wanna know who I am without you."
Bonus: Earth, Wind & Fire - September: Heard and sang this song mostly in the car before the party at Clambake. Combines all my fantastic memories from Burlington and frisbee (thanks, Bhava!)

Now on to a random travel story.
From all the great days I had since I've arrived in San Francisco Bay area, Thursday last week was the most memorable. I was visiting Olivia (American girl I know from Germany, with whom I played frisbee and went hiking in Portugal) and stayed with her and her parents in San Rafael, just north of San Francisco. On Thursday morning Olivia took me into Muir Woods National Park, despite it being closed thanks to the governmental shutdown. (you know, after being in those "third world" Asian countries, isn't it good to be in America?!) What can I say, other than stunning?! I instantly wanted to live among those ancient redwood trees... I spent the whole time smiling, breathing, touching the bark, thinking I've never seen a beautiful forest like this after Nepal.

After some early dinner and an enormous portion of ice cream (yeah, America!) in Marin, we drove into San Francisco to go to a party in a museum. Yes, that's right. We'd changed into dancing clothes at the small toilet of the Indian restaurant to have a fun night out at the California Academy of Sciences, doing the nightlife. Have you ever danced in front of an aquarium, with a live dj and jelly fish in changing colors? It's fun! Also I loved the rain forest and the show in the planetarium, the living roof and that Olivia let me finish her cocktail.
And the night wasn't over yet. We drove back to the parents' house, changed once more into hiking clothes, ignored the mother's warning about mountain lions and drove to the Golden Gate National Park (also closed), heading out into the darkness on the Tennessee Valley Trail with headlights and slightly tipsy. It was exciting, in the dark, with coyotes howling, but we knew they weren't likely to attack us. Still we shouldn't have chosen to talk about horror movies and possible ways to die because it was dark, as I may have mentioned, and I suddenly saw eyes. Two dots to the left, reflected from the light of my torch.
"Olivia, don't freak out, I'm just saying, there are eyes."
- "No, there are not."
"Olivia, there are eyes."
- "No, that's the reflection of a sign."
Turns out it was deer. Puh, we can cope with deer!
We arrived on the ocean, sat down at the shore and had a beer, that I opened in German fashion (read: with everything but an opener). Cheers, to the water and night time hiking. Heading back, we weren't really scared, both Olivia and I have done enough tough sh** before, plus we now had empty bottles as weapons and hearts blinded with alcoholic courage. But then there were the eyes again, coming towards us. Aaaah, why are they coming towards us??!!?? Again, only deer, running down the hill right next to us. We then talked about relationships while hiking through the windy night, a happier topic, and felt more relaxed, until we saw the coyote. In front of us, or should I say, in between us and our castle of steel, our shelter from the bad, our refuge of safety, our CAR. Strongly holding onto the empty bottle in my hand, I hit the gravel a few times, trying to scare it off, screaming: "C'mon coyote, you f***ing creature, we're not scared, I'm gonna beat you up!" That was obviously a lie, enhanced by adrenaline and alcohol, and Olivia simply said: "Shut up, it's all good, he's chilled, walking away." Yeah, the coyote really didn't care about us, even when we shone the car lights on him. We drove back home, safe and sound, and I probably don't need to mention I dreamed of coyotes that night...

So this story about awesome times is a perfect segway to the final section of this post (I sound a lot more organized than I am right now), a big portion of LOVE and THANKS to the people I've met recently. My life would be nothing without the old and new friends in America, so this is for you.
First of all, thanks Olivia for the most awesome time in the bay area anybody could possibly imagine. I do not regret trading Peru for the west coast, best decision ever! All the best with Brent!
Thanks to Bhava for being the most amazing friend and sharing your wisdom with me, I've learned a lot about myself during the time in Burlington. And our road trip along the east coast will be one of my favorite memories from the whole trip. (I'll finish the soundtrack soon, I promise)
Thanks Vraja, Tails, Ali and John for an awesome time in Burlington! I left my hammock, feel free to put it back up in the garden! Also I loved playing with RUT, the ultimate frisbee team, keep up the love!
Thanks to Dan for hosting me in Boston and showing me tons of fantastic music, that I now listen to every day. Hope you don't mind that I stole your pen and confused your ego, you'll get a postcard as a refund.
And last but not least a big thanks to Michelle for buying me a hot chocolate at Starbucks after I'd forgotten my purse in Olivia's car (because I'm dumb!), even though we didn't know each other. The friendliness of random people, and especially Michelle, shall forever remind me of all the good people on this planet. And that I want to be one of them!

There'll be more love, this was just the first part of thanks, so just keep reading the blog and search for your name. Of course there'll also be more music and travel stories. And maybe even shorter posts...

strawberry cake

...the first thing that came to my mind as a title for the first post here, without the words "beginning", "life" or "hello". I guess I'm gonna bake a cake with berries today.

Today has already been great. As usual, I woke up in a new bed (alone - I'm just traveling), putting on music and seeing what kind of emotions are facing me. Yeah, same old thing, it's basically a long yearningful sigh, accompanied by either Ben Howard, or Daughter. This is nice, I thought, but it's getting old. All this pondering about the people and places of the last two months, the old friends and new encounters... Time to let go, east cost! Oh, and is this some sun through the window? Olivia is still sleeping, I'm gonna take a walk.

The air outside is cold and crisp, the sun is just above the treetops in the suburbs of Santa Rosa, I don't know where I am, but heading east is always a good idea. Tuning in with Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros: Here, album on shuffle.
The first song has to be All Wash Out, if this doesn't help me letting go, nothing will. I don't know the neighbourhood, just walk towards the sun, hoping to find a park or something similar. Two turns and I'm in front of a little path along a stream, singing: "Too much my defenses are dangling from the chain. Oh but free, free is something to blieve in."
Fiya Wata, haven't heard that one before, but of course it fits perfect. It feels like this is the first morning, everything is special and wonderful. My ears are cold and my hands are burried deep in the pockets of my sweater, my heart leaps with joy. With big eyes I look at the sunrays through the trees, watch the birds and the huge grey squirrels. Child comes up, and I feel the same curiosity and amazement as one. I don't know where I am or even what the street is called that Olivia lives on (she drove me there last night), so I just keep walking, knowing I'll always find my way back.
Of course I can't quite forget the past weeks on the east cost, it was both too beautiful and horrible to just leave behind. At least this little walk helps me making peace with it, a little bit. Dear Believer, Man On Fire and One Love To Another lead me along the creek, some friendly people walking their dogs say good morning, I like that friendliness.
Before I turn back I see a playground, the swings attract me like a magnet. The shuffle hits That's What's Up, I think of the video and smile. Unfortunately the swing is wet, damn reality, this wouldn't happen in a movie! But I notice the palm trees and wonder how they stand the cold, oh, I should jogg, my legs feel frozen. I Don't Wanna Pray, no, I don't need to. I have no idea what tomorrow will bring but I'm not worried. A life without plans is good for a while, no need to become impatient, good things are happening all of the time. And yet I'm running, I arrive at the house before Mayla is finished, the last song of the album. What an amazing way of listening to new music, and how magically it'd fit, every single song. Yeah, life is great like that.

Now, it's time to bake a cake!
One more thing. Welcome to my new blog! Next time you'll hear more about San Francisco, dancing in the a musuem and how we saw hills that have eyes.