travel mind fuzz

It's a Monday morning, time to think about Hawaii.
For two reasons, a) to get distracted from my weird-as-usual dreams in which I'd been inviting too many of the kids from the neighbourhood to a house I didn't live in, and also randomly fell in love with a guy who had a hawaiian name and made his own coffee (see the connection?). And b) because I may fly to Hawaii, to work on a farm.
So, what happened to Mexico?
Well, I haven't dismissed it as my next destination, yet. It's just so much easier to get around Hawaii, and a lot safer. Mexico is cheaper and I'd probably get to learn some Spanish, plus the culture is more interesting. If I only wasn't traveling alone, I would be less worried about safety. I mean, who wants to kidnap me, anyways, I talk too much! So they'd probably shoot me right away, but then again I don't really have any money and a credit card that expires in a month, so that doesn't make sense. That leaves raping as a potential danger, possibly by more than one person, which doesn't sound like "a challenging experience" I'd like to have before the end of this trip... After this blunt look at various scenarios (exaggerated, I know) I feel that Hawaii is seriously considered, especially since flights are just as cheap as to Mexico. Yeah, right?! What's all that thinking about?? Hawaii it is, then!

But... you see, I'm horrible at making decisions. For a long time I'd make lots and lots of plans (for those who remember, South America used to be part of them), going back and forth about where to go and just waiting until the flights start getting expensive. In the end it doesn't matter too much to which beautiful place I'm going, it more depends on coincidence, like meeting someone who has been at a place and so on. I might as well flip a coin! I once wrote as essay about that way of making decisions in my psychology class and the bottom line was: why not?!
Ok, let's do it right now. Canadian 5ct, saying Elizabeth II. is going to Hawaii, the beaver is going to Mexico. Flipping and...
I drop the coin.
I drop the coin a second time.
Now the beaver is looking at me.
Vamos a Mexico!

Seriously? I don't know. And where will I go after Mexico or Hawaii? Cuba? New York or Boston? The coin says Cuba. Hm, it must have a soft spot for weaker economies.

Anyways, welcome to my everyday life and typical mind fuzz. Making decisions and procrastinating. Drinking more coffee. Enjoying the beautiful, beautiful places I'm visiting. And being worried about my future. I doubt that anybody but other travellers (or students in social studies) understands what I'm talking about, thinking: "WTF is she talking about??" It's like I'm in a parallel world, where 'normal' means madness, almost every day.
And because most of you are working, you all got something to keep your mind busy with, you don't need to worry how to spend your energy. All that's left for my brain to work on, though, are the things above and how to do more thrift shopping without putting more weight into my backpack. That's what this blog is for: sharing insights from a mysterious world of a long-term traveller.

Now we need some music, for real, otherwise it becomes unbearable. Also, I've talked too much, time to let others speak.



I am a women of leisure
I've been looking for the end of want
I don't want it but I need
Well come one baby won't you gimme some

I haven't talked enough about love, have I? As an essential topic of this blog, besides being an essential part of life... I found that being hopelessly romantic doesn't get you anywhere, but at least it gets you through the day.

Holy Roller roll over me
I'm looking for something else to see
Lasts so long, hurts so bad
But I want love in the aftermath

Again you may not understand wtf I'm talking about when I say I don't believe in love anymore. Not to last, not for me, not in this life, at least. Every sweet encounter is followed by trouble and worries, after every high comes the inevitable low, every hello implicates goodbye. I'm so done screwing up. (this needs some more explanation. later. much later)
But I'm still dreaming...



I STOOD ALONE UPON THE PLATFORM IN VAIN
THE PUERTO RICANS THEY WERE PLAYING THEIR SALSA IN THE RAIN
WITH OPEN DOORS AND MANUAL LOCKS
IN FAST FOOD PARKING LOTS

I HEADED WEST I WAS A MAN ON THE MOVE
NEW YORK IT LIED TO ME I NEEDED THE TRUTH
OH I NEED SOMEBODY, I NEED SOMEONE I COULD TRUST
AND I DON’T GAMBLE, BUT IF I DID I WOULD BET ON US

It takes courage to love, that I don't have anymore, and patience, that I never really had.
"Everything in life you try to force will resist.", said the yoga instructor in Vancouver on Sat morning, I think he was not only talking about our muscles.



EVERYONE THINKS I’M A LION*
NO ONE KNOWS THE TRUTH
IF IT WAS A BIGGER FIRE
I WOULD BE ON THE ROOF

But fear is also an issue for me, especially since the lazy life of a traveller doesn't bear distraction all of the time. Facing my fears has been a great way to learn a lot about myself and I've got more courage than I used to have, so yay for that. But sometimes I really just want to poop my pants! I mean, my future! What am I gonna do? Become a hippie? And the present! Where am I gonna go? (Not that topic again...) And the past! What the ...?
I know. I shouldn't worry. But I guess it just means that I care, that I'm passionate. Yeah, let's just call it 'passionate thinking' instead of worrying. And the next person telling me I'm thinking too much, I'm gonna pull their underpants over their head! Because it'll likely be the same person telling me to take care. Hah!

Now you lucky Europeans out there better BOOK YOUR TICKETS for the great band I've just posted, because not only are The Lumineers on tour but also their support act is... Thao & The Get Down Stay Down! How awesome is that?! See them in Cologne, for example, for less than 40euro. Check it out! And make me jealous for once...


*this is what I understood, "lion", and I liked it. but really, they're singing "liar", but this just wouldn't be appropriate at this point. yes, I'm making my own reality here!