Looking down at my arms and legs, it looks a little bit like I've been in a war. When all I tried to do was cutting some cane grass and walking around Cinderland, jumping over paletts. Luckily I was wearing long pants, despite the heat, so I got some bruises but no staph infection... As mentioned before, I love using the cold outdoor shower in the back of my dorm, under the palm trees, watching mongeese running by. These f***ers, they managed to break into our food save (read: wooden cupboard) and ate all the bread I'd baked before. In this climate it's more than easy, conditions are perfect for the dough to rise. The last two Mondays in a row we had pizza night because it's so cheap, simple, tasty and feeds a lot of people!
Luckily we have almost no mosquitoes because Jezus is searching Cinderland for potential and actual breeding places (any little amount of stagnant water) and destroys them. At night the air is filled with the sounds of frogs...
That's how far I got last time I tried to post. I can't believe there was a time not even a week ago when I had to hitchhike to town to go online and therefor used the internet only every five days or so. It's Sunday today, which means it's Kahena beach day...
Yeah, in my mind, I'm still in Hawaii. For once on this trip around the world I had booked a flight further in advance than just a couple of weeks, and let me tell you: it sucked. For all the places I've been to, it had never felt so wrong to leave, it wasn't my time yet. All I wanted was to stay, just for another week at Cinderland! Instead I came to cold on rainy New York City on a lonely Fri night, lost an earring on the way to the hostel that wasn't only dirty but had no computers, got helped by a handful of great people and then found out that Bhava wasn't gonna come to explore the Big Apple with me. But at the same time I felt lost, I knew I was gonna be ok... at some point.
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| balloons in Brooklyn |
And now I'm sitting in another hostel, very clean, with a public computer, and on top of that: great people for interesting and profound conversations, though we've just met the same day. I had needed somebody to get involved with, feeling like I was just floating around, and since I'd opened up to the possibility of new encounters, it happened faster than I could say, "thanks universe - and oh wow is it already St Nicolaus Day?" So after this rugged start I'm having a fantastic time in NYC, I even got my ass out the door and saw
Only today I'm staying in because we were all hanging out in the hostel, chatting, playing music to each other and after another try of recharging, suddenly my mp3 player worked again. I knew it!!! All this time after it broke in the wet climate of Puna side, I was convinced I'll be able to use it again one day. So Dec 8th will now be "almost christmas" for me, it's like diving into a lake after 3 weeks in the desert!
Anyways, it obviously felt like it was the wrong decision to come to NYC, whereas 'wrong' only means the less comfortable one. It's obviously nicer and cheaper being in Hawaii but there had been a reason back then, that made me come here and I won't regret anything, so I open eyes, ears and heart to learn my lessons in the big city. While my Cinderland friends will play in the waves on the black sand of Kahena, I'll be watching my new hostel friends performing at a private show tonight somewhere in Manhattan. It's always a trade, I know that, and for now all I have are the great memories of incredible days and nights in the jungle and a life without time or stress. I believe it'll make me happy for a long time from now.
A lot of times in the past three weeks, I got to acknowledge how I was truly happy. It's both wonderful and a little scary to realize how fulfilling life can be, when in the same moment of appreciation an anxiety kicks in, about possibly loosing this happiness. But then again these positive feelings are precious because they are rare in such intensity, and it all makes sense.
\\written Dec 4th\\
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| even in the sad moments like leaving Hilo, life made me laugh |
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