memory confetti

Aloha! It's supposedly Christmas and I'm too lazy to recap the time from Tulum until now, so I'm just gonna throw in some moments throughout that time. Not a best of, more like Polaroid-in-words from our backpacking lives.

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Hostels are easy places to meet new people, and so is the one in Tulum, with it's many benches and hang out areas. An older guy with a a Hawaiian shirt sits down at the table Maik and I occupy, his face is glowing red but he's got that sparkle in his eyes, that mischief. We start chatting and he tells us he's doing some kind of "research for his work" here, but he looks so relaxed like he hasn't worked in weeks.
I ask: "So how long have you been in town?"
Him: "10 days?! Two weeks?! What day is today?"
We laugh, but then quickly realize I have no idea what day it is.

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I really need to do laundry, because when I wanted to do it at Lauren's, there was a power cut. So we go to a lavandería nearby, our dirty clothes are weighed, we get a bill for less than 2€ and told to come back the next day at 7 PM to pick it up. The whole conversation is in Spanish and I'm kinda proud to mention I even made them understood that our towels aren't supposed to go in the dryer. Yay.
But when we go through our clean clothes the next day, my blue dress is missing! Nay. Not a huge deal, but I'm still upset. Of course I can't explain in Spanish what my problem is and that I suspect my dress to be in another bag, especially since we had some clothes in ours we've never seen before. Or maybe Maik wears white hotpants secretly, who knows!
I'm thinking, well, it's Mexico after all! And then I feel racist thinking that. And then I see that the hostel has a clothes exchange, featuring a somewhat fitting blue dress! How nice, I'm taking that one for free, especially after just donating some of clothes to a staff member. Well, now I'm thinking: the universe takes, the universe gives.

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The first day we arrive at the Tulum hostel, we meet Lee from the US, who's a chatty and embracing kinda guy, just randomly asking if we wanna hang out and share his herbs together. I smile, agree, and also wonder: how is it that same minded people always find each other without knowing? Again, there's a feeling of getting to a place and already having friends here... #facebook #spacehat #deepreflectivetalks #armyoflove

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As we sit in the garden of the hostel, a gecko shows up. There are lots of them but this one is black and somehow I think, oh-oh, this is not a good sign. Later in the collectivo on the way further south, I see the reflection of a knitted scorpion sitting besides the driver under the front window. Another bad sign, I'm afraid. Maik and I make it to the nature reserve alright and spent the rest of the day and the next one enjoying the quietness, swimming in the lagoon and even meeting a very happy family. It was a simply inspiring experience and I'm truly amazed by their joyful nature: they chat, laugh and tease each other the whole time, mom, dad and daughter, so I end up thinking they must have won the happy-family-jackpot! When we all climb the lookout tower, we even see a tucan, though it's far away, I'm very content.
The next day we chill even harder, taking a dip in the blue water, hiking through the jungle and then jumping into the lagoon again, because maaan are did we get eaten by mosquitos!! I must have hurt my foot because even while swimming I feel some pain in my ankle. But that's only the beginning... Unfortunately that night I feel ill and my food wants back out through the wrong hole. Yay, I'm sick and one long bumpy road away from anywhere. The next day I'm exhausted and don't wanna pack and leave, but it makes sense, so I pull myself together. My ankle hurts even more, so I can barely walk. Guess that makes two bad things and I don't like being right this time. And yet I feel back in touch with my intuition.

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So now we're in Bacalar, on a campground/ hostel with access to the lagoon, it's so pretty.

Just went I'm about to make a Skype call to Nadine, the power is off and so is the connection to far away Dresden. This and other occasions are the reason the socially addicted part of me is truly madly happy that I got a Mexican SIM card with 1 GB for WhatsApp! Maybe that again is the reason I haven't blogged much lately, because was in touch with many people, and above all, Maik is here now!

And because all of these are snippets from what already seems a long time ago, I'll better just post them and get on with happened on Christmas.

As usual, more pics in better quality (and even captions) are to be found at: parhelia.smugmug.com

Seems it never rains in Southern North America

And when it does, it snows! But let's tie things up:

So last time I posted was when I was still with Lauren and Alan in Monterrey. And I've been quite on the move since then! But before bragging about the white beaches and turquoise waters of Cancun and Tulum, I wanna sent out some love to the great people I met in Monterrey, and even to the city itself. To me it's always a huge win when coming to a foreign place and there having a friend already waiting to pick me up at the airport! Lauren and Alan generously shared their place and lives with me for quite a while. Not to forget their friends and also Alan's family, all of them were super friendly. Almost every Mexican I've met so far has been living up to the stereotype of friendliness I've made up about them...
During my last days in Monterrey, we went on an adventurous camping trip (ask about the 'bear' story next time we meet), to a family posada (which didn't look christmassy because some parts of the family are Jehova's witnesses) and climbing/ bouldering in a small room without designated routes, followed by a starry, starry night (ask for the... never mind).
I witnessed two miracle-like events in Monterrey: first was snow in town, which hadn't happened in about 20 years -  everybody went crazy but me because the houses are designed to keep the cold IN! The second was the national soccer final between the two Monterrey teams, which has never happened before - everybody went even crazier but not me because, well, it's soccer!

On Dec 12th, Lauren and I flew down South to warm and sunny Cancun, sending lots of jealousy invoking photos from the beach the next day. We chose airbnb and landed a big hit with a chilled host in a family-style mayan designed clay house with a frickin swimming pool in the yard... No mames wey! The next highlight was picking Maik up at the airport, though the place was designed in such a stupid way, that Lauren and I were basically forced to climb over a small fence to get to arrivals. After the happy reunion we drank beer by the pool, went to a tacos restaurant and took turns in the hammock on the balcony. Pretty much a solid 9 on the scale of first nights for Maik, I'd say.

So since Cancun is a top tourist trap, we left the next day and after some trouble being on the right side of the street for the 'collectivo' (taxibus), Lauren, Maik and I made it to nearby Puerto Morelos for some more beach time. We managed to get an appartment right across the ocean, which we only had to share with some ants and which also featured a huge terrace we occupied both nights, playing the ukulele and singing songs, you know, about life, love and the Pupsgesicht. Those were easy and lazy days, only to be ended abruptly when Lauren left early on Sat to fly back to Monterrey, while Maik and I went further down to Tulum.

Ah,  Tulum, a place popular amongst backpackers for it's pretty beaches and ancient ruins, of which we didn't see the latter because too much time spent on the former. First we stayed in a rented, leaky tent without mattresses for $500 (~23€) on a stormy, rainy night, but the mangrove jungle around and the beach only metres away from it made up for every inconvenience. At least for 2 nights, then we really needed to shower and there was no water because... something. The German girl at reception told me a company came in and tried to fix the water problem, but instead made it worse and then just left. I just laughed! And then we left to a hostel at the edge of town, which clearly shows I'm much less of a hippie sometimes than I make you believe... And I wanna say how I also forgot in all of my anxiety about being clean and organized that people there were very approachable, caring and sharing, without expecting something in return.

Leaving you with that thought of love and peace and smoke, I need a break and you some pictures! 

poem about adoring a place

This blog is supposed to be about love and music, tonight you'll get some beerlosophy on top of that. Wanna hear honest things about my life, apart from that oh-so-funny travel blabla, then let me crack open another Superior and put on the Cold War Kids for this one.




It's almost 3 am, Lauren and Alan went to bed hours ago while I'm wondering about my life between Edward Sharpe and Christine And The Queens. I had a funny cold day and an even better night, hanging out with Lauren at the colourful café downtown, talking forever about boys and relationships and why "we were so much cooler than the girls at school we tried to impress"! (Lauren is really smart!)
We made ourselves a tasty dinner and before starting a movie at home, I said: "Aren't we lucky? Don't we have such a luxurious lifestyle?" But as I just told my diary, I didn't feel lucky.

Do you ever need an excuse to get drunk? To alternate your sense of reality? Maybe I don't like that reality of not having made any real progress in the past 3 weeks since I've left home. Our even made the best of my time (like really enjoying being lazy, no, I didn't come here for that). Honestly, I gotta say I hardly achieved anything worth mentioning.
But what was the plan here, anyways?
Facing my fears? Finding out what to do with my life? Become a better person?
It's all bullshit!
No, I'm in Mexico because it's supposed to be warm and because some time ago I've met genuinely nice people who happened to have Mexican passports. Because I have a friend here and maybe I'll FINALLY learn Spanish at some point (it's not going buyn...erm... bien).

Am I running away from something? Did this trip ever serve any purpose other than escaping Germany and all the strings attached? Like predictability, rain instead of snow in December in particular and this mistrust towards "everything that's different than before, than how we've always done things" in general?

So the point I'm trying to get to its, despite being lucky and free and also in the place I've been wanting to go to since 2013, I'm not happy. Maybe because Maik isn't here. Maybe because it wasn't a challenge or achievement coming here. Maybe because I forgot or even killed that part of me that was pure happiness.

So even after a fun night out I can't get myself to appreciate my privileges. Even after spending an hour scribbling page after page, my journal doesn't explain this journey. And before the end of the night, the music still plays on shuffle, randomly playing the song I needed most, reminding me of home, my friends, long nights like this in Dresden, except that I wasn't alone.



It's 3.30am now, the wind is rattling on the window, my mind is tired and I'm still looking for an happy end to this post. My personal realization is that it always comes down to human connections. That I need to learn how to genuinely (and I mean: truly) open myself up to people and yet to learn how to stand up for myself against those who harm me.
Pah.
Basically I need to be myself without hating myself in the process.
It's kinda abstract this post. And I'm kinda drunk.
But fact is, the real challenge here is I need to, want to learn to love myself. No clue at what point I forgot to do that.



PS: I'm thinking of a place called Dresden, of people I used to to share these wicked thoughts with instead of having to find my own truth. Of Alex, who has the biggest loving eyes, seeing way beyond her own good. Of Niesel, who I never ceased to admire for always being true to herself. Of Basti and Toni, for going all the way down and up again. Of Nadine and Lissy for fighting their way through their own limits of strength. Of Julia, Judith, Jaaan, Atze, Nicole, Tim, Maria, Falko, Kevin, Vera, Sandy and all those unmentioned by name, who accidentally left a deep footprint in my heart. All you are ghosts of my past, reminding me somehow it doesn't only consists of failures. 

Monterrey: oh deer beer!

The cutest surprise the campus holds is just meters away from me, next to a large snowflake, and it follows me around! You wish it was a guy! Or a girl for that matter... No, it was a beast of other sorts, encircled by horrible Christmas decoration. And yet when thinking about what kind of animals you'd expect at a patch of grass on a Mexican university, even a private one, did you have deer in mind? Because there's a little Bambi right next to that fancy bench I'm sitting on, more like a picnic table with power outlets and umbrellas. Because you don't wanna get burned in that bright sun in November!
Did you know I haven't worn socks since I arrived on that blissful Saturday after a looong travel from Essex? Oh dear sun, I have missed your warm beams of rainbow-colored brightness! Come into my pale arms and give my sorrow-wrinkled face a kiss, right on that pimple between my eyebrows, that kinda makes me look Indian.
Anyways. Mexico is indeed as great as I've suspected. Not perfect of course... I mean, the BBQ I went to 2 hours after my arrival mainly consisted of meat and hot sauce. But at least I made my complaining and sleep-deprived self appreciate that the host also grilled a lot of veggies, mainly for me! And there were dogs to cuddle. And we drank tequila-like mezcal with a rabbit on it - just one shot though, it was before 4 pm and we still had a frisbee 'friendsgiving' to attend.

For that matter, Alan allowed me a 2 hour nap in my very own room, Lauren let me borrow a dress and shoes, and off we went! This was my third Thanksgiving and I thought, why break from tradition?, and showed up empty-handed. Despite that, I was accepted into the Monterrey ultimate circle within seconds, kiss on the cheek here (only one for hello/ goodbye!), a little chatting in Spanish (and quickly changing to English) there.
I meet a French-Canadian called Louis and otherwise mainly observe people. A guy comes up to me.
"Do you wanna play Discochela?"
Oh how nice, I'm getting invited to a tournament!
"Sure!" I say and smile my naive smile.
Lauren whispers: "It's a drinking game, where you drink beer out of a disc!"
"Okay, I'm out!", I blurt.
"What's your name?", the guy asks, and when I tell him, he just writes it on a list and moves on.
Everyone who knows me also knows I'm very bad at drinking beer really fast... The other two in my team, Fernando and Louis, don't know that - however they appear to be surprisingly swift swallowers and we win the first round. And then the second. Through the cheers and screams I realize we won the beer race.... My first quick-chugging-wheat-substance-competition that I complete successfully, after 10 years of ultimate (and 7 years of college)!!! Finally.
And then there's karaoke, and you have to see Mexicans singing karaoke with such passion and joy to believe when I say: everybody had a microphone... in their hearts! Loved it.

After that intense first night, the following days in Monterrey are much more relaxed. On Sunday Lauren, my mate Louis and I stroll through the downtown area, over a flea market and into the most colorful café I've ever set foot in. The city is a lot prettier and the vegetarian restaurants are higher in number than expected. It feels like I've come to the right place.
Also, did I mention that you can see the mountains from my window?
Lauren, who I know from frisbee in Dresden, and Alan, her Mexican boyfriend, have a spacious apartment with a banana tree infused garden, that we use for morning coffee and fitness workout. So far I've spent most of my first week here relaxing during the day and watching Netflix at night, taking photos and also visiting Lauren at her workplace, the Tec University. When she shows me the library without books, we bump into a frisbee player from that Thanksgiving party, he looks at me and asks Lauren: "Oh, so you brought the champion!?" My ego cheers.
I go by many names now... After Bambi followed me to that bench, Maik called me a Disney princess. Well, I hope it didn't take most people 90 movie minutes to read this post. I seem lack that gene of cutting it short, my applogeeeeeze, it's so late again!
Hasta luego!

Snacksgiving

Oh how exciting traveling is! Except when you're at an airport way too early, and especially when that airport is JFK, which doesn't only lack an area to rest before checking in but also working WiFi. Oh well, there's no doubt I can survive without internet, it just makes me feel a little lonely and disconnected. But just yesterday was Thanksgiving, so I better express some gratitude instead of complaining! Especially since this time I made it to New York without any traffic problems and near-heart-attack moments - not jinxed!

So what did I do all this time in the US? it feels like mostly eating...
My time in Essex with Bhava was wonderful and also a humbling experience. To most people it would clear that she's not some kind of superhero, who manages her own business and to be patient, caring and inquisitive with me, listening to all my problems and even knowing when to ask for help with hers. This ridiculous assumption was one of my problems and lead to some serious frustration when Bhava was busy and I couldn't do anything to help her. I felt sad and out of place that one day in the middle of my visit. You know, long-distance friendships are tough, we only get to spend a limited time in our actual presence! So maybe things we a bit loaded.
Another problem of mine seems to be that I have become quite sensitive (not going on about explaining that at this point, let's just say I like my love and peace). And yet being emotional works two ways, and how could I be deeply passionate within being vulnerable at some point?

So Bhava and I spent some great first two days in Essex talking lots, bonding and hanging out at the café (yes, I was mostly slacking off, she was working). Friday last week her boyfriend Schuyler came back and we actually went out for dinner, only to ruin the last part of the night with a stupid political discussion. For the first time I understood why you sometimes strictly avoid certain topics in conversations! Well, we got over it and later that day had a great night at Joey's, who's also a business owner and who I met in Vermont back in 2013. He's one of the funniest and most hard-working guys I've ever made acquaintance with, and now he even has a great girlfriend, cute dog and friendly cat!
Sunday we went out for brunch (thanks for that voucher, Nadine!) and Monday it snowed heavily, it was fantastic! In the morning Bhava had said we might go climbing, which due to all of her work was rather a hope than a plan, but of course when it seemed there was no time for climbing I was frustrated. Do you know these moments when your inner voice (read: ego) tells you that someone is ignoring you on purpose? Well, because of my insanely high expectations towards Bhava and my sensitivity I guess I had to be sad for a bit, but eventually understood that not everything is about me!

Also if I was just a little more patient sometimes, because not only did we quickly resettle with each other, but also shared an intimate moment last night, that displayed all the affection I had craved for. After an impressive Thanksgiving with two families and three kilos of food, Schuyler, Bhava and I were about to watch some TV. Then it suddenly appears there were more urgent matters, some suffering that needed to be expressed. Bhava really opened up and we listened, hugged and comforted her as best we could. In the end she isn't perfect of course and also struggles to make everybody happy!

Oh dear, it turns out I'm not only needy but also quite stupid sometimes! I mean I knew we're all human and yet usually I  keep expecting others to succeed and myself to fail. Hopefully I continue to learn from my distress and to grow stronger still.
So before and during this Thanksgiving I was catered for and taken care of by amazingly friendly people!I'm grateful to Schuyler's parents especially, who took me in as a stranger and patiently walked over their property with me even before breakfast! But also Bhava, her mother and Schuyler went out of their way to make me happy!

So this Thanksgiving I am grateful for all kinds of friendship, because it mirrors the love we're trying to give to ourselves!

Eatex

With a critical face on, I take a sip from my cup. The coffee is a little cold, but definitely not too sweet. Well, actually this cappuccino is not a coffee but an espresso drink and also I made it myself, with almond milk and hazelnut flavored syrup. Who knew there's a whole science to coffee making, and even more so to selling. I've always wanted to work in a café, so goof timing visiting Bhava and her brand new business! Besides, here they even use an ipad as a cash machine, where you just press some buttons when taking in an order - easy peasy! Or so I thought... Here's what I learned:

- Coffee = drip coffee (or filtered, as we'd call it in Germany)! Cappuccino, latte etc = espresso drink!
- forget the metric system, learn what ounces (oz) are
- English is a quick language! Use context to understand that "How long have you been here?" isn't about the length of my shift or even my visit in the States, but a question about since when the café has been opened.

My first time behind the counter went like this:
Customers come in. I'm nervous. Since I know the owner of this place, I don't wanna screw this up. They stare at the menu behind me. Then they ask, "What's the soup of the day?" Damn it, gotta go ask in the kitchen. Then they order something I don't understand, please don't mumble, open your mouth! Alright, the woman wants coffee cake! I press the according button and smile overconfidently. The man wants 2 tacos, so I double click on the item. A coworker confirms if he wants a set of tacos or 2 sets of tacos. Of course one set only. Oops. When they finish their order I realize I forgot WHICH coffee cake they wanted, so I have to ask again. Well, this didn't go as planned.
Other failures on my first day as a working class hero include trying to give out change and then having to look at the coins for a long time to understand what they are, or almost dropping plates, cookies or drinks and of course forgetting all my English vocabulary. I make up for my incompetence by being super friendly, motivated and patient with indecisive customers. But most people coming to the café are super nice themselves and I have an easy time working! Everybody always asks "How are you doin?" and chit chats about the weather or something similar appropriate. I know it's superficial and yet I enjoy the positive way of opening up a conversation just like that!

Ever since I came to Essex Junction, VT, and into Bhava's busy business life, I've been sincerely impressed with she's accomplished in such a short time. She started out baking from home and selling mostly vegan and gluten-free products in supermarkets and then finally opened up her own place. The SWEET ALCHEMY bakery & café isn't only comfy and has sweet treats to become diabetic for, but also offers proper food like wraps, pasta, tacos and even dosa, that's so animal-free and healthy, I could eat there every day for months and never get bored or sick! Not to mention the cool people working there or the fantastic view from the windows, but instead of going on ranting, I might as well post a few photos.
More about my time in Essex (or Eatex, as 'essen' is eating in German) next time!

Montreal: about cats, graffitis and Spanglench

Around 6am my eyes swing open. Again, it's far too early to get up and surely contradicts countless complaints I made all through the time I had to get up at 6.30am to go to work. This time I'm falling back asleep, yesterday I was too excited and probably jet lagged...
Around 8am I'm up making coffee, quickly chatting with my host Roxanne, who is actually off to work. A whole day in front of me and I'm equipped with food, music, wifi and heating, plus a bike and a metro card to further explore the place I flew to all the way from Europe! Full of energy, I'm pacing along the kitchen window, opening the backdoor for fresh air and watching the fat neighbor's cat watching me from down in the yard. Then the fury ball turns around and shits right into one of the grassy patches, at least covering it's business carefully after completion. I return to the table to write about the fascinating things happening to me in Montreal when the cat turns up at the window, silently meowing and demanding entrance. Sure enough! It' freezing out there, so we cuddle for about a minute until he wants to get out again. Guess what, after I release the cute but stupid thing, it shows up on the window and demands to be let in. Note to self: no cultural differences in feline behavior here.

Alright, this is just one amazing event I can tell you about. Basically I'm deeply content to be here in this cosy wooden house full of friendly people and able to have so much spare time to cuddle cats and watch them doing their business. As mentioned, it's freaking cold here and as I learned it's not a good idea to try out the freedom of not wearing a bra. But my sore nipples are a different story...
Since I got here, things have been smooth and I felt comfortable with almost every new thing and person. I'm staying with Roxanne (French-Canadian) and Ibrahim (Mexican), who couch surfed with me last year around my birthday. My party was one of the best experiences in Germany for him, so he's returning the favor by spending his free day taking me on a tour around the city. First we visit the nearby market and I shop as many fruits and veggies as my small backpack can carry, then we explore the area by bike, mainly looking at awesome graffitis. Since it's forbidden to wear headphones on bikes, Ibrahim brings his speakers, and the Tequilla song and other 60s rock music make the temperatures just below 0ºC more bearable. I love this way of seeing a city, though the roads are bumpy, many houses in need of renovation and due to the grey weather the scenery looks rather dull. Well, I wasn't forced to come here in November, right?
Taking lots of pictures of those graffitis (most of them are from a contest), we end up chatting with a man in front a a huge car I had quietly complained about, and he actually turns out really nice, showing off his brand new shirt. Ibrahim takes me to a bar and we have Poutine (aka Pommes mit Bratensosse), mac'n'cheese (not a computer but pasta) and some local beer in lack of a hot drink. Hey, it might be only 2pm here, but long after 4 in Germany, if you know what I mean!

They speak mainly French in Montreal and while I'm trying to learn some Spanish in preparation to Mexico, I get completely confused. "Vous avez finit?" - "Si claro!" - facepalm. I know about 200 French words and maybe 50 in Spanish, which doesn't help when meeting Ibrahim's girlfriend who speaks only French and Spanish. Roxanne speaks all of them, Ibrahim, too. Together we speak Spanglench. Also we have a fun night cooking, playing Schweinewuerfeln and watching the neighbor's cat getting stuck in the cupboard. I even get out my ukulele and play some songs, sponsored by the red wine Santa Julia. I don't even manage to read more than a few pages of my book before falling asleep around 11pm. I'm happy with this sleeping rhythm!

That should be enough to give you, dear reader, a detailed impression of my new old life of free time and wandering about. Hopefully you're all well and know I'm still thinking of you, especially when seeing dog graffitis and waving crabs, eating poutine, hearing Madonna's Material Girl or doing fitness! Which I will do right after breakfast. And then I will explore downtown Montreal and the underground city that arises when temperatures fall. Indeed, life is good.

PS: You will find visual impressions of my adventures at parhelia.smugmug.com

CANUSAMEX

No more job, no more excuses, just a partially planned trip and a bit of money saved.
How does she do that?, people are asking. Here's my ABC of leaving.

A) write packing and to-do lists, it helps keeping sane!
B) don't forget your passport!
C) say your goodbyes and leave!

Never before I felt like I really needed to leave a place so urgently, Dresden and esp. my appartment, I'm so done with you!
Also never before I felt I'm leaving so many great friends behind, just bringing their faces to my mind brings tears back to my eyes. I must be the luckiest person alive! It means so much and I'm not taking it for granted to have people in my life who care about me.
When I thought about writing a letter to my former flatmate and telling him what a dick he has been treating us disrespectfully, I realized I don't need that anger anymore. Somehow all these beautiful moments with friends, cooking dinner, going climbing, drinking coffee and going for walks (read: slacking off), it all paid for the worse parts of my days!

Here we go then, same old new me, who will:
Complain less, eat better and worry no more!
Just kidding, how could I not eat sweets?!

So my joyful, sad and excited self will fly to Montreal, CA, on Sunday and see the city for 3 days. Then I'll take the bus to Essex, VT (USA), and see Bhava for a week, which will be simply awesome! After that short detour, I'll continue to my actual destination: Mexico!
Arriba! :)

So goodbye Dresden, my heart is heavy leaving all my dear friends and not seeing Maik for a month! I'll think of you often and remember the stupid things we said!
No I gotta go, my bullshit-barometer has reached it's sentimental high, besides I object crying in trains.
Sniff.

Love,
Lia