So what did I do all this time in the US? it feels like mostly eating...
My time in Essex with Bhava was wonderful and also a humbling experience. To most people it would clear that she's not some kind of superhero, who manages her own business and to be patient, caring and inquisitive with me, listening to all my problems and even knowing when to ask for help with hers. This ridiculous assumption was one of my problems and lead to some serious frustration when Bhava was busy and I couldn't do anything to help her. I felt sad and out of place that one day in the middle of my visit. You know, long-distance friendships are tough, we only get to spend a limited time in our actual presence! So maybe things we a bit loaded.
Another problem of mine seems to be that I have become quite sensitive (not going on about explaining that at this point, let's just say I like my love and peace). And yet being emotional works two ways, and how could I be deeply passionate within being vulnerable at some point?
So Bhava and I spent some great first two days in Essex talking lots, bonding and hanging out at the café (yes, I was mostly slacking off, she was working). Friday last week her boyfriend Schuyler came back and we actually went out for dinner, only to ruin the last part of the night with a stupid political discussion. For the first time I understood why you sometimes strictly avoid certain topics in conversations! Well, we got over it and later that day had a great night at Joey's, who's also a business owner and who I met in Vermont back in 2013. He's one of the funniest and most hard-working guys I've ever made acquaintance with, and now he even has a great girlfriend, cute dog and friendly cat!
Sunday we went out for brunch (thanks for that voucher, Nadine!) and Monday it snowed heavily, it was fantastic! In the morning Bhava had said we might go climbing, which due to all of her work was rather a hope than a plan, but of course when it seemed there was no time for climbing I was frustrated. Do you know these moments when your inner voice (read: ego) tells you that someone is ignoring you on purpose? Well, because of my insanely high expectations towards Bhava and my sensitivity I guess I had to be sad for a bit, but eventually understood that not everything is about me!
Also if I was just a little more patient sometimes, because not only did we quickly resettle with each other, but also shared an intimate moment last night, that displayed all the affection I had craved for. After an impressive Thanksgiving with two families and three kilos of food, Schuyler, Bhava and I were about to watch some TV. Then it suddenly appears there were more urgent matters, some suffering that needed to be expressed. Bhava really opened up and we listened, hugged and comforted her as best we could. In the end she isn't perfect of course and also struggles to make everybody happy!
Oh dear, it turns out I'm not only needy but also quite stupid sometimes! I mean I knew we're all human and yet usually I keep expecting others to succeed and myself to fail. Hopefully I continue to learn from my distress and to grow stronger still.
So before and during this Thanksgiving I was catered for and taken care of by amazingly friendly people!I'm grateful to Schuyler's parents especially, who took me in as a stranger and patiently walked over their property with me even before breakfast! But also Bhava, her mother and Schuyler went out of their way to make me happy!
So this Thanksgiving I am grateful for all kinds of friendship, because it mirrors the love we're trying to give to ourselves!
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