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If this trip is about learning about love, life and sh**, I'm doing a pretty good job. I feel like never before I've been so exposed to my feelings, having no choice but dealing with them. It's easy to ignore what's inside when you're living the busy city life, running errands or running on frisbee fields. But for me everything is slowed down a lot, and old problems have caught up with me quickly and facing them was inevitable. But we learn the most from making mistakes, and since that's one of my talents, I'm now a lot wiser. I can see those grey hairs coming...
Examples of lessons?

• I learned from Bhava, it's good to say what I want, ignoring the fear of being rejected.
• I learned the hard way that honesty is the best way to go, seriously! Also most people appreciate more than they'd admit.
• I learned from Michael that I'm a very needy person. I constantly need social contacts, coffee and music, or I'm unhappy. Not to mention good food, frisbee, nature, ...
• I learned from Joey that thinking long-term makes more sense, when you're recognizing the present moment as part of something bigger.

And still, I'm failing at making good decisions. How can you continue walking down the wrong path while being aware of it? Yes, 'wrong' is in the eye of the beholder, but let's say: not good for me in the long run. It's too easy, that's why, temptation is just too big. When you're away from home, cut away from everything that's comfortable and familiar, it's easy to overcome the barrier of discipline and get attached to whatever seems appropriate. So the best solution is not to go back home, but to find that piece within yourself that gives you peace. The most impressive people I've met on the trip, especially in Auroville were very balanced, peaceful, friendly and passionate. It's hard to describe, because they maybe didn't know what they wanted, but they weren't afraid of it, and they seemed to know who they are.
Obviously I still have some time, and I'm taking a lot of time right now to find out more about myself. And guess what, only half of the time it's as hard as it sounds, otherwise I'm having a great time! I really wanted to go to Santa Cruz today, checking out the city instead of chilling at home in Aaron's beach house but well, I'll at least walk down (5 mins) to the water later, checking out if the dolphins are back. Maybe go for a swim, maybe not, aaaah, I think only if I see dolphins. But before that, I'll just relax a little more, patiently waiting for things to happen (read: playing music and chatting).

I'm excited to fly to Portland, Oregon, tomorrow, in a small plane with somebody from Craigslist. Yeah! Maybe I get to fly the plane a little, that's missing on my list after steering a sailing boat... Also some great people have offered me their couch, it looks all so well, I can almost not believe how easy it was to happen. I'm excited to couchsurf and meet new interesting people (read: men).

Today I'm leaving you with a poem, my ego tells me it's ridiculous and I'm embarrassing myself but seriously, I don't give a sh**. I wrote it a week ago, leaving the east coast, called blown away.

when everything is in constant change

we may look at each other

unconsciously rearrange

then the next moment we may look through

leaves in the fall

carried up and along by the wind

I try to stand up against it all

with my cold heart in the sun

holding my head out of the window

of this ever-moving train

hair blown in my face

your image stuck on my mind

though already faint

I'm moving on

forever spinning through beginnings without ends

I'm holding on

to the wind in my hands